Pamela Banes Colesworthy

Beloved mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, and friend, Pamela Banes Colesworthy, of Hamden, CT, passed away peacefully on Sunday, August 24 — but not before seizing and relishing every bit of life. Pam was born March 25, 1951, to Dr. Fred Banes and Eunice W. Banes née Huey. In Pam’s teasing telling, she had it pretty good as a kid in Westfield, NJ — younger sister to Judith and Christine, the baby of the family — until, that is, her two adorable, attention-stealing younger brothers, Frederick and Patrick, came along. She was, of course, being facetious. She loved her four siblings dearly and they her. The Banes family was tight-knit and became even closer as the kids grew up, started their own families, and became aunts and uncles to one another’s children.

Pam graduated from Westfield High School in 1969. She then attended Lycoming College in Williamsport, PA, and graduated with a degree in psychology in 1973. That summer, she married David Colesworthy and the two lived in Atlanta, GA, before settling in New Haven, CT, in 1975. 

In 1978, Pam and Dave welcomed a child, Rebecca (Becky). Although they divorced a few years later, they remained good friends and committed co-parents, creating the most loving, supportive environment imaginable for Becky. Anyone who so much as met Pam was sure to hear about her daughter. Pam was impossibly proud and always said that being Becky’s Mom was her favorite job. She was the most generous, the coolest, the best Mom, period.

Pam was also passionate about work and doing her other job, at the Department of Sociology at Yale University, well — and did she ever. Over the course of four decades, she left an indelible mark on the institution, initially as the chair’s secretary and then as the department’s business manager. Coworkers joked that they knew just by glancing in her office whether they dared bother her. But her office was also an oasis — a place where staff, graduate students, postdocs, and faculty members could take a load off. She had a mean eye for budgets, but, ultimately, she thought of everything she did at Yale as being for the students. 

Pam valued people above all. Deeply sensitive, empathetic, and curious, she was always eager to understand and improve the world around her, to make herself and it better. She volunteered for years at the Ronald McDonald House in New Haven, CT. As Becky got older, Pam often credited her daughter with helping her think about various social issues, but the credit belonged entirely to Pam. She never stopped learning and exploring — wanting to help other people and fight the many injustices she saw in the world.

Pam was diagnosed with cancer in 2009 and, while the illness inevitably shaped the last sixteen years of her life, it was also a spur to live to the fullest, to take pleasure in the little things. Pam loved meeting friends for lunch at the diner down the street, taking the train to New York City to see theater, visiting her daughter and son-in-law, and spending time with her siblings, nephew, nieces, and grandnieces. More than anything, she loved her grandson. She placed pictures of him everywhere — alongside her laptop, above the kitchen sink, next to the recliner — so he kept her company while emailing, washing dishes, watching TV. She showered him with presents and wanted to know everything about him and his world — the shows, music, and toys he liked. Being his grandmother was her greatest joy.

Pam was predeceased by her father, mother, and brother, Frederick, and will be forever loved and missed by her family, dear friends, and former coworkers. Private services will be held at a later date. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to one of the many organizations Pam admired and supported, including Ronald McDonald House of Connecticut, Sandy Hook Promise, Connecticut FoodShare, and World Central Kitchen.